Chapter 3: Like a Pineapple Upside-Down Cake

     Things that day went from bad to worse.  And all Leonard could do was watch.  If Leonard had thought things were heating up before, he was in for a big surprise.  The house was turned upside down.  

     After the fight over the salad and the exercising, both of the girls got ready for the arrival of Lucy's sister.  Leonard watched from the safety of the edge of the room.  He listened as Lucy nervously prayed aloud:  "Please, oh please let Isabelle be in a good mood.  I'll do anything!"


    In Leonard's humble opinion, the name, 'Isabelle' brought up the image of tiny butterflies flitting around dew-dropped daisies -- not something to be afraid of.  However, all picture perfect images of harmless butterflies and sweet floral scents crashed into pieces as Isabelle strode through the front door without knocking.  Leonard heard her shoes shrieking on the marble floor as she waltzed into the kitchen.  

     As a 'friendly greeting' to her sister, Isabelle snapped, "Do you know how heavy my bags were?  I can't believe you made me walk up those steps with them by myself!  I could have broken a heel.  Can you believe these heels were over two-hundred dollars?  They're obviously worth more than those steps.  Odd house you have here.  You still living with that weird girl?  Shadon, was it?"


    "Her name is Shannon." Lucy glared.  "It's not that hard to get it right." Lucy was, Leonard thought, clearly returning the 'friendly greeting' to her friendly sister.  Those two obviously had a 'friendly' relationship.  Leonard was apprehensive to see what other 'friendly' things they did together.  He had an uneasy feeling about 'friendliness'.  

     "And I love my house.  Don't you dare insult me.  I moved here to get away from you."  Lucy spat, pointing.
     Isabelle laughed, a creepy animal sound.  It was a laugh like rusting copper.  It reminded Leonard of an old penny he saw in the back yard.  It's year was 1966.  Attracted to the strange smell, Leonard licked it.  In short, let's just say he wished he didn't.  Leonard was making sure to turn the other way the next time he saw a shiny copper object.
     "I never did think you'd manage to go to college.  You never could handle the commitment for anything.  You surprised me.  I don't think you'll be able to keep this house for long.  Bills pile up, responsibilities add onto each other... good luck with your life.  You shouldn't get too far.  I can see you're still a brat.  That hasn't changed."  Isabelle smiled smugly.  "My dear little sister, you never did let anything go.  Still don't."

     Leonard held his breath as Isabelle smacked her little sister with malice he had never seen before in a human.


     "Get OUT of my house.  Before I call the police," Lucy said in an iron voice, sounding stronger than she felt.  "I said, GET OUT!"

     Isabelle stood for a moment, triumphant, but still upset, then stalked out of the kitchen, yelling, "And you shouldn't leave stupid toys around the kitchen where people can step on them!"

     Lucy turned slowly, and seeing Leonard, she laughed.  "What are you doing here?"  Lucy bent down to pick up the gnome, hugging him to her chest.  She squeezed him tightly and wiped a silent tear from her eye.  She sat on her heels with Leonard in her arms, crying.  She whispered in Leonard's ear, "You're the only one I can trust."

     Leonard felt a sinking feeling.  It was an awkward situation, to say the very least.  He couldn't move.  If he moved, she would gasp and take back her words.  But Leonard began to feel a teensy weensy connection with Lucy.  He couldn't quite identify it, and definitely couldn't place a thick gnome finger on it, but he felt like he had known her long ago.  Or something.   Leonard wasn't entirely sure.  One thing he knew was that the more time he spent around Lucy and Shannon, the more time he resented being a gnome.  

     Leonard wanted a real life, with real hands, feet, fingers, and eyes.  He wanted real words, real food, and real friends.  But most of all, he wanted real love, and a real heart to give it to a real girl like Shannon or Lucy.  Those humans really didn't get how lucky they were.  Their lives were intricate, full of emotion and design.  More and more, Leonard began to feel like his life was limited, a worthless pile of stinky garbage like the stray dogs in the neighborhood kept eating.

     Lucy put Leonard down and stared at the wall, trying to get control of herself.  Scrambling into the room, Shannon slowed and placed a frail hand on her friend's shoulder.

     "Oh my gosh, Lucy!" Shannon gushed.  "She really beat you up, didn't she?  Oh my gosh!   Why are you just standing here, letting her get away like that?  Are you crazy?  She freakin' attacked you!"

     Lucy shook her head, tears creeping down her cheeks.  "You don't understand!  She's my SISTER!  How could I do that?"

     Shannon softened at the sight of Lucy's forlorn face.  "But, listen.  It's against the law for anyone to attack someone unless it's in self defense.  I know you've had problems with Isabelle before, and... wouldn't you like to have your sister tucked away in jail so you can move on?"

     Lucy boiled over, like an overflowing pot of oatmeal left on the stove too long.  "NO! I can't do it!  I just can't!  If you say I'm not allowed to wedge myself into your problems, you can't wedge into mine.  You don't know who I am deep inside.  I know you don't."

     Shocked, Shannon said, "Of course I know you! We've known each other since middle school!  I just want what's best for you."

     "Well, I want what's best for you and you still don't let me help you.  You still don't!"

     "Calm down-"

     "I'm not going to freaking 'calm down', Shannon!" Lucy erupted.  Then, "When my mother died, she told me never to stop trying to be Isabelle's friend.  I've failed that request so many times.  So many times!  And you want me to lock Isabelle up in jail?  Sorry.  I can't.  It's my only hope to be Isabelle's friend.  It's my only hope to grant my mother's last wish."

     "But, Lucy!  She attacked you.  She obviously doesn't care what happens to you.  A friendship can only work if both people involved are equally interested."

     At this, Lucy's face crumbled.  "When you're a younger sister, you always have that need to please your older sister.  For me, anyway.  I guess I never could please Isabelle.  I don't think I'll ever be able to."

><

     Shannon understood that Lucy needed a nice, big hotdog.  Hotdogs were Lucy's favorite food.  And, even though meat made Shannon squeamish, she tried to fight through it for her friend.  It would mean a lot to Lucy.  

     Leonard watched from the end of the counter, still trying to take in all the events of the day.  He had an uncontrollable desire to comfort Lucy; he wished he could hold her tightly and not let go.  Leonard realized that he needed some comforting, too.

    A swift few knocks at the door, and Shannon flipped into a ditzy, glitzy girl in love.  With me? Leonard knew that it was not him, but continued to fight the truth.

     The door whipped open.  "Hey, sweets..." A voice boomed.  Leonard lost all hope.  It's me or the guy.

     "Neil!" Shannon rushed over to the man and bounded into his arms.

     It's the guy, I guess.  Leonard hopped down and listened to the lovers.  He gave a tiny gnome sigh.  He looked at their shoes.  He looked at the bottoms of their pants.  Maybe all I'm good enough for is the bottom of a dirty shoe?

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>Gnobody's Home<

Chapter 2: Gnot the Only One

     Magenta was upset with Leonard.  But, then again, Leonard wasn't sure when she'd ever been happy with him.  In fact, Leonard was wondering why they were even friends.

     "Leonard, why can't you just get over this?  You've spent two entire days watching and creeping on that Shannon girl like a stalker.  You're so strange.  You think she'd ever want to love a filthy, chipping gnome?  We're all never going to find a human lover... just accept it.  I'm happy that way.  Why can't you be?"

     Leonard, usually a quiet, shy gnome who usually let Magenta do all the talking, stood up straight.  He stared right at Magenta.
     "I am not a stalker.  I give Shannon privacy when she uses the bathroom or gets dressed.  I don't even go in the bathroom!  I think you're the strange one.  I act like a friend to you but you treat me like a piece of... of... well, you treat me like that plastic pink flamingo, who never did any harm to you!"  Leonard's voice wavered.  "I'll get Shannon to love me.  I'll show you!  Maybe you'll never find love, but I sure will!  
     "Who are you to call yourself my friend?  All you do is tell me that my opinion and thoughts are wrong.  All you do is insult me.  Don't bother pretending to be my friend any longer.  I won't listen to you.  I can do whatever I want, and you cannot stop me."

     "Fine!"  Magenta huffed.  "See if I care.  You never were that bright.  I'll have to watch you get thrown away by that poor girl you are stalking.  I won't even try to save you.  And if you cause them to throw away us all, you're gonna get it.  From me."  Magenta fled, not looking back.
     Leonard felt like the tiny earthworm he had accidentally stepped on a few years ago.  He tried to nurse the poor thing back to health.  He even let the worm share a part of his 'perfect' patch of grass (which really wasn't so perfect), but the worm had died a few minutes later.  Leonard had been heartbroken.  "Will anyone understand me?" He asked himself.

><

     Lucy gazed at herself in the mirror.  No way was she ever going to wear this thing out in public.  She couldn't believe she had let Shannon talk her into wearing it while they were going to work out together.  Lucy had always thought of herself as an artsy girl who was a tad bid tomboyish.  It was Shannon who was into all the fashion!  Shannon was the girlie-girl.

     But, mostly, Lucy was fretting over something else, something that had nothing to do with clothes or style.  Lucy was worried because her sister was coming today and was going to stay the entire weekend.  Lucy would rather jump in a freezing-cold pond, so cold you could see ice floating around.  That would be much more preferable.  

     Lucy crept down to the living room.  Shannon wasn't there, so Lucy decided to get started early without her.  Besides, Shannon liked to work out longer, anyway.  Lucy sighed at the sight of Magenta on the coffee table.  She shook her head, completely dreading this day.

     About a half an hour later, Shannon came down, drenched in sweat.  Lucy wrinkled her eyebrows, then said in between gasps,  "Shan, where were you?  You're so late!"

     Shannon apologized.  "Sorry, Luce.  I was doing my push-ups."

     "It took you a half an hour to do push ups?"

     "Well, yeah.  It did.  I did six sets of thirty."

     Lucy gasped, mouth agape.  "Are you freaking kidding me?  You did that many?  How... in the world..."

     "It's really not that bad.  I just have to keep a slim figure.  I'm really trying to lose weight.  Lately I've been adding a few pounds and I've really gotta work it off."

     Leonard quietly hopped up on the table.  He avoided looking at Magenta.  He figured he'd better work out, too, so he hopped up into a handstand.

     "Shan," Lucy said with a worried look on her face, "you really don't need to lose weight.  Look at you!  You're skin and bones.  Do you really need to work out so much?"

     "Of course I do!  I just do a bit everyday."

     Lucy wanted to argue more, but didn't.  She didn't want to upset her friend.  She knew that Shannon was very picky about her weight, but she had a sneaking suspicion that her friend might be a little too picky.

     "Michelle is coming over tonight.  At five-ish." Lucy said, trying to control her voice and expression.  She looked over at Shannon, who looked back at her.
     "Oh, yeah...  Is there anything I can do to help you?"
     "Uh," Lucy shook her head.  "I guess not.  Just, you know, give me some room and space to vent my feelings when I need to.  I suppose that's all."
     Shannon nodded.  Lucy finished her own workout with a sigh of accomplishment.  "I'm gonna get some lunch."
     "Okay.  I won't be too much longer.  I'm trying to space out my workouts.  I'll do another one later."
     Lucy raised her eyebrows.  "Another?"
     "Yep."

><

     Just as Lucy sat down to a healthy lunch, Shannon plopped down beside her.  She had changed into her bikini, and although it was lunchtime, she had not taken any of the leftover food Lucy had prepared for the two of them.

     "Oh, my gosh, that looks delicious." Shannon gushed, regarding the salad.  Leonard watched from the safety of the tiled patio.

     "Why don't you grab a plate, Shan?  There's plenty left!"

     "I told you.  I'm on a diet."

  

     Lucy nearly choked on her leafy greens.  She had caught an itsy bitsy tomato in her throat.  "Shan, are you serious?  Healthy diets include eating three meals a day.  You shouldn't have to starve yourself.  You don't need a diet.  I weigh more than you do."

     Shannon rolled her eyes, losing patience.  "My upper body's a little pudgy," she admitted. 

     "Seriously, though.  What does that make my body? Fat? If you think you're pudgy, I must be a freaking load to you."

     "My gosh.  Would you give it a rest, Lucy?  I really don't want to talk about this with you.  You screw everything up."

     Lucy gazed suspiciously at her friend.  "Does this have anything to do with Neil?"

     Shannon jumped out of her chair, scraping against the tile like nails on a chalkboard.  She glared at Lucy. 

     "Stay out of it!  I'm doing what I think is right.  I need to lose a few pounds.  So what? You need to stop interrogating me."

     "Shannon, I just want to make sure you're okay.  I care about you.  You're my best friend.  I just want you to be happy and healthy!"

     "If that's what you want, then leave my food and athletic life out of this."  Shannon shook her head disgustedly.  

     Leonard wondered what was so important about food.  All it seemed to do was go bad.  The humans spend hours cooking, and minutes eating.  It just didn't balance out.  Leonard remembered the day when someone tossed an apple core out of their car window.  It fell near Magenta's patch of grass, where it continued to decompose.  It was completely and utterly disgusting.

     As the girl of his dreams proceeded to jump in the pool for a swim, he also realized something about Shannon Whitt and Lucy Gore, and himself:  He was not the only one who had problems of his own.

>Gnobody's Home<